MILK

A completely objective account of not  the Sean Penn movie.

A tall glass of something kind of wonderful.

Anyone who knows me knows my favorite drink is milk. Yes, milk. I love milk. I always have (and probably always will).

I’ve been drinking cow milk since I was a newborn. My mom couldn’t breastfeed and I never acquired a taste for formula. They had to water down whole milk to get me to eat. I like milk when the weather’s hot, I like milk when it’s cold. I like milk in the morning, after a workout, with my 5 o’clock cereal and with my 10 o’clock bowl. And it’s not just milk, it’s all milk derivatives. Cheese, especially. God I love cheese. I think I was supposed to be French because I love cheese, wine and well, I majored in French, but the stork must've been real confused. Really, very confused.

So what is a milk-loving girl (who has at times chosen a bottle of Nesquik over a bottle of Chardonnay) to do when she realizes, thanks to an eternally rumbling stomach, that she is…dun dun dun…lactose intolerant?  Well, I could ignore the problem and be forever bloated.  Lactose intolerance isn’t actually a disease anyway, right? It’s not that big a deal. I could stop drinking milk and eating cheese and cereal  and nachos and oh my God, no I couldn’t do that. So I decided to go with the most obvious solution: find a milk substitute.

I started with lactose-free milk, which is what my dad drinks since he’s lactose intolerant too. I hated it. It’s sort of really sweet and it leaves your tongue dry after you drink it. It’s a weird thing, lactose-free milk. There’s no room in my life for it. So then I tried soy milk, which I had tried with my Starbucks drinks a couple of times (although it’s an extra 60 cents a drink to substitute soy milk, WOOF!). I didn’t like the flavor much either. I don’t even remember what it tastes like so I won’t describe it. Nope, soy milk wasn’t my new soul mate either. There was one last option. (Well, several, but, dramatic effect, bear with me.)

I had heard of almond milk but didn’t really understand how that could be a thing so I didn’t even consider it, until my brother’s girlfriend told me there are only about 60 calories in a serving of almond milk. Say what?! That’s right, 60 calories. I was intrigued. So, I hopped on the computer and I googled almond milk, because I’m smart and I google things. Turns out, almond milk not only has very few calories, it has more vitamins than regular milk and consequently fewer additives. It has antioxidants, is high in protein, and has no cholesterol. Almond milk is the absolute best kind of milk you can drink. I didn’t go too in depth with my research, but a couple of fitness crazy friends of mine had told me almond milk is very beneficial to one’s diet and I thought “well, 60 calories, might as well.” So I went ahead and bought a whole thing of Blue Diamond Almond Milk (original, not vanilla) and gave it a try. It doesn’t taste like milk at all. But, it tastes good. It’s sweet but not too sweet and it accents the flavor of Honey Bunches of Oats wonderfully. It’s refreshing, it’s easy to digest, it has no lactose, no soy and it only has about 60 calories a serving. I’m a girl, I’m obsessed with calories. I was hooked.

I did it, I found a worthy [albeit it’s never going to replace Mexican whole milk] milk substitute. I’ve been drinking almond milk for about a month now and the only times I’ve had stomach problems have been the times I didn’t want to dish out 60 extra cents on my Starbucks drink (also, during my couple of cheese binges). So far, so good. So if you’re having emotional problems due to milk issues (unlikely), I suggest you start with almond milk and see how that works out for you. You can thank me later.

This has been a Fatiluzer rant. À bientôt!

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Photo by: Fatiluzer